


Dinner: Interminable Madness

by Hildigunnur



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Crack, Friendship, Hogwarts Era, The Quidditch Pitch: From Diagon Alley to Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-04
Updated: 2005-10-04
Packaged: 2018-10-26 13:02:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10787244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hildigunnur/pseuds/Hildigunnur
Summary: Drunken antics and general silliness. Starring quite many characters.





	Dinner: Interminable Madness

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015.
> 
> _Author’s Note: Unbeta-read but sweet as a sugar quill – biased and delusional in one – and probably as bad as the English grammar of a person who has consumed six cases of Mountain Dew and has English as a seventh language._
> 
> A tiny little parody based on an infamous Harry Potter fanfiction archives quiz. Probably written in 2002 or 2003.
> 
> Very nonsensical. Believe me when I say, you had to be there for this to make any sense. If it makes any sense to you, well, hello there, comrade. The Harry Potter fandom pre-OotP certainly was an interesting place.

It was on a warm Midsummer’s Night Eve and the gang decided to dine at a swanky restaurant in Diagon Alley. The years of terror had long since ended and the Potters and the Weasleys had been living on cloud nine since. Remus and Sirius tagged along with selected individuals who had been at Hogwarts with the trio or knew them in other ways.

There were many bottles of elderflower wine emptied during the dinner and the conversation got lively.

“Tell me, Percy,” asked Dean Thomas who had been abroad for awhile, travelling quite much, to Kansas, Canada and India, “how are things at the Ministry, who are you coping with troublemakers?”

Percy who had been promoted and was now the head of the Department of Misuse of Magic, straightened himself in his seat. “Well, we have got rid of all those Alerts we used to send out, along with searching for the culprits and that but now we have these nifty pop-up warnings. Randomly during each day of heavy magic use, a wizard receives these little bubbles that burst and remind people of the law in those cute, squeaky voices. Very cost efficient, the Ministry is actually making money from this.” Dean nodded uninterested and turned his attention to Neville who was sitting next to him and was talking to Lavender Brown.

“Yeah, our designated fitness instructors will whip you into shape,” said Lavender who had started working for a wizards gym and was talking Neville into coming. Neville didn’t seem very interested, in fact he looked like he might try to Disapperate on the spot despite the very big risk of splinching himself. On the other side of them was Ernie Macmillian looking quite irritated.

“Listen, Lavender, will you please shut up about that gym of yours. Everyone knows that your whole staff at FitForever actually gets all their exercise at FitnessAllover,” he said in a testy voice. Next to him, Remus and Sirius were discussing with Oliver Wood about Quidditch.

“The Caerphilly Catapults will win the league this year,” said Sirius testily and slammed his fist on the table, “it’s The One True Way, goddamit!” Remus and Oliver laughed.

“If they can keep up with their bizarre training schedule, goes by the lunar calendar, I think you could be right,” said Remus.

“That would be right up your alley,” said Oliver, “a lunar calendar schedule.”

Next to them, a very interesting conversation between Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny was talking place. Hermione and Ron had both had too much elderflower wine and were discussing things.

“Troublemakers in the Gryffindor Tower?” asked Hermione who had taken up teaching at Hogwarts and was now head of Gryffindor. “There are no troublemakers in Gryffindor. Only lovely, lovely kids. Do you know what I think? Good people should have more kids.” Then she started hiccupping and giggling at the same time. Ron giggled too.

“You are good people,” he said and turned to Harry and Ginny. “Ginny! Harry! Babies! Right now! More babies! Bring on the babies! AHHH!” Ron fell off his chair, still in frenzy. Harry and Ginny looked quite taken aback.

“Shouldn’t you be having kids as well? Harry and me aren’t the only good people here,” asked Ginny.

“Yeah, that would be good, clean, heterosexual Ron and Hermione fun!” exclaimed Ron, still lying on the floor. “Ginny, by the way, watch your grammar! It’s Harry and I …”

“Grammar? Harry and Ginny speak the language of love,” cried Hermione, pulling her husband from the floor.

“I think all good people should be having babies, the only people who shouldn’t have babies, are people like Draco Malfoy. Draco is evil. Have a nice day,” said Ron, heaving himself back up on his chair. Fred, one of his older brothers turned to him, “Heh, admit it. Secretly you love Draco,” he whispered

“Shut up,” yelled Ron.

“Temper, temper, Ron,” said George, “it’s too easy to make you angry. Like telling you that the walls in your living room are gold.”

“It’s not gold, it’s orange. ORANGE,” screamed Ron so loudly that everyone at the table turned to him. 

“It’s terrible,” said Fred solemnly, “he’s gone quite mad. But this was expected. I mean, what can come of assaulting the unsuspecting with blinding rays of orange backdrop? Madness, I tell you.”

“Not more madness than you’ve planned for Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes,” Angelina said nonchalantly to her husband, “porn in all shapes and sizes.”

“Hey,” piped George, “I recent that. It’s a highly biased and selective assortment of Weasley porn.”

“Ugh,” said Lee Jordan, “that’s a little too much Weasley adoration for me.”

“No, no, it’s not starring us,” Fred said hurriedly.

“Err … I think you’re forgetting something. Our Harry and Ginny collection …” whispered George.

“Harry/Ginny porn. Ick!!!” cried Katie Bell.

“Relax, you will love it and hug it and it will bring you into a fuzzy comfort zone,” said Fred soothingly.

“But, wasn’t it hard for you to get them to do porn?” ask Lee.

“No, ‘bout as hard as it is for Harry to get into Ginny’s knickers,” said George with a twinkle in his eyes.

Such were the intelligent conversations of the wonderful people who live in fanfiction land in between those extremely rare occasions that their creator decides to bring out new canon


End file.
